ASD

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Homework is Perfect for the Perfectly Average

This year I took on a new job where I see a totally different perspective of special education. It’s not a bad side or a good side, just a different side. The change has been quite trying, and there are days that I truly don’t want to go to work. Good Grief I have become more honest in my older age. Don’t get me wrong, I have amazing days as well.

That being said, one of the biggest highlights in my new job is the intellectual conversations I get to have with my coworkers. The other day, we were collaborating, and one of them said something that I have been reflecting upon ever since. She said that homework is nonsense. As a group we discussed how cool it would be to have a school or even a school district who piloted a No Homework policy for just one year.

Something I learned right out of the gate in this new position is to hold my tongue until I have given my brain adequate time to reflect, see all sides, internally dialogue and filter my thoughts. There is very little casual conversation in this role and oftentimes, my casual brainstorming can be used a factual guidance. Of course, my casual thoughts are tweaked a bit to be more fitting to the listened ultimate goal. OK that was a random tangent back to the topic. The whole point was I stayed quiet on this statement/idea until I had time to reflect on it and think about where I truly stood on the subject.

After that conversation took place, I reflected on what a school with no homework would look like. Would their scores tank? Would kids fall behind? Would they have time to learn everything they are expected to learn? Would our kids be prepared for college?

In the special education world, we are dealing with overwhelming and rapidly increasing levels of anxiety, OCD, behavior disorders, defiance, refusal, stress-based gastrointestinal issues, etc. When I think of the root of most of these problems, it starts at home. Trust me, this has nothing to do with parenting. Heck, I am a mother of a 5-year-old with unnatural anxiety and fear of separation, so no it’s not parents. The root of most of these anxiety-based issues is the incredible demands that we as a nation are putting on our children.

When I think back to my childhood, I had homework, but I don’t remember a time where I thought I was overwhelmed with it or couldn’t find time to play because I had 3 hours of work to do. The demands on children which ultimately lie on the back of parents and guardians are simply too high. There are a handful of kids who love homework and do it without a fight from their parents. It is natural and something that they intrinsically choose to do. With or without a homework policy, these students will still use their leisure time to learn more, study more and continue to strengthen their personal knowledge.

I would love to see a school adopt a No Homework Policy for one year while heavily encouraging the use of this valuable time to be time for dinner as a family, cooking together, going for walks, playing outside, watching a movie together or any other stress-reliving activity. This would promote both positive parents/children relationships and good health. My guess is that test scores would still remain the same, but the well-being of the children will be much more stable.

I am not sure what homework looks like at your house, but in all of the meetings I have sat it, it has been a major source of anxiety and disconnect in both students and parents. Just the simple step of lugging home 5 binders full of notes and then filtering through what the homework expectation is is enough to start the family time off to a stress-filled start. “Welcome home, get to work.” After 8 hours of learning, rule following and structure, parents and students both need time to simply decompress. I guarantee that the 3 extra hours of route learning, parent-enforced, drill and rep assignments are not moving us as a country to the highest level of academia, rather it is increasing depression, anxiety and disconnect with our students and children. How nice would it be to come home and know that family time will be exactly that- quality time spent together.

I know this will be a controversial blog entry, and I am prepared for that, but understand, it is simply my opinion and it’s worth exactly what you paid for it. 🙂

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Redefining Normal

Redefining Normal

No one wants to hear the words “your child has autism, your child has ADHD, your child is depressed…” But the first step into finding the beauty in our overly-adjective-d children is mourning the loss of our expectation of “normal” and redefining normal for our child.

As parents, this is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, step of the whole process. This is true for several reasons. First off, it is new to us. To do anything well takes time and practice, and I think parents of children with disabilities get better and better at that job as time passes. Secondly, we all have dreams of what our children will do with the foundational skills we teach them. When we are pregnant or going through the steps of adoption, we close our eyes and envision our children’s perfect little lives. When we hear that their perfect may not match our visions of perfection for them, we have to mourn that dream. We physically, emotionally and spiritually do mourn this, and until we do, it won’t get better.

Of course, I have not experienced this first hand, but I have been through the process with many of student’s parents. I know what you are thinking, “how has she experienced this when she teaches middle school aged children?” For the most part, my student’s parents know their children have disabilities by the time they come to me, but middle school is also the time where they may plateau in their academics or social growth. The students typically have made some type of progress in school up until this point, and then they hit that ceiling of progression. This is a time where I see parents struggle with abandoning the last remnants of the dream they had for the mainstream version of “normal”. Again, they must mourn, and I try to do all I can to shed positive light on their situation. It is easy for me to see and recognize all of the beauty and positive attribute these children exude. THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL.

So when you hear “your child has Autism”. It is normal to be angry, cry, feel guilty and question the world, question God, question the doctor and cycle through the emotions over and over again. There is no time limit on how long the grieving process may take and it may manifest itself in a variety of ways. After this, it is time to get rolling on redefining your family’s normal.

How often has someone in your life referenced “The All American Family?” Gag me!! What does that even mean? Does that mean that it’s a family with less than a 50% chance of staying married according to the US divorce rate? Or could it be 8.8 years of happily married bliss which is the US marriage length rate? Would the “All American Family” still carry their US average of $15,159 in credit card debt? Do we just throw in 2.5 children (one of which is likely to have some sort of disability), a Golden Retriever, a nice flat front yard and wrap a white picket fence around them and they become this normal “All American Family?” I don’t think so.

So today is the day to start planning and defining YOUR family’s normal. Learn what makes your child tick. Learn what makes him happy. Think back to when you were dreaming your dreams about your child. Did you dream for them to be happy? I am sure you did. Their happy may look different than ours. Embrace their happy. Embrace their normal.

It is ok that your child doesn’t want to play football, but he would rather circle around the fence looking for “treasures”. It’s ok that your daughter would rather sit under the bean bag than on top of it. It is ok that tag on your son’s shirt makes him go off the deep-end. Cut off his tags. It’s ok if you drive by your child’s school playground and your daughter is sitting alone on the black top tracing invisible animals with her index finger instead of playing ‘Red Rover Red Rover’. They have created their normal. Live in their normal with them when you can. Expose them to your normal, while trying to play the role of the parent or teacher they see in their perfect little world.

Until next time my friends…